I've tried to be nice, really. I smile and laugh and play along with some people's games. But one day this hormonal pregnant woman is going to crack. And I just hope it isn't on you.

It's one thing if I know you when you ask to touch my belly. (At least you asked!) And it's another if we are close and you ask me how much weight I've gained. But random people in the grocery store asking me if I am going to breastfeed while looking at bottles? (Of course! These are for my chihuahua...)

So here's the pregnant woman's rant!

You breastfeed. I'm not.

You bottle feed I'm not.

You make your own baby food, I'm not.

You use pre-made baby food, I'm not.

You use cloth diapers, I'm not.

You use Pampers, Luvs, etc, etc, I'm not.

You are a baby wearer, I'm not.

You refuse to wear your babies, I'm not.

You are using an epidural, I'm not.

You are birthing your child without drugs, I'm not.

I mean really, why do you ask? You are just going to tell me what is best for my baby anyway....

"Your stomach looks huge!" thanks. Really. ....So does yours.....

"How much weight have you gained?" .....How much weight have YOU gained?.....

"Are you really wearing a bikini?" .....Yup, but what's your excuse, beer?!....

"Can I touch your belly?" .....Only if I can touch yours...

"You shouldn't drink caffeine, eat chocolate, take tylenol..." I don't need a mom, thanks.

"I hope I look like you when I'm pregnant." BLESS YOU sweetheart, I hope I look like you when I lose this baby weight.